Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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