Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
my liver is dry heaving
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
