I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Randomize
