when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
