White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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