So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
