Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
