wake up i wanna do it froggy style
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
