he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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