nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Randomize
