We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Drunk is not a location!
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
