At least make sure they are 18
Why
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
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