Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
