just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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