you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
