I hate all girls vehemently.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
