I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
