I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
