I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
