my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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