On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
We were destined to go to rehab together
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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