dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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