I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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