I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
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