How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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