i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
