Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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