you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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