I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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