Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
