apparently the secret to your success is patron
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
