she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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