I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
