I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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