Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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