My nipple is on Facebook.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
