Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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