This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
