My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
