I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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