I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize