One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
