i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
