i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
