Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
