My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
