And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
