did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
