Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
