three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
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