I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
